The Absolute Truth About Marketing
Sunday, May 07, 2006
  Fast Eddie loves little kiddies
EDDIE DRESSED LIKE HE WAS IN MIAMI VICE FOR HIS TV APPEARANCE (I wasn't quick enough with my camera to capture his sartorial blunder for you)

Tip for today: try not to look like a hoodlum when you run child care centres.

Another gobsmacking performance by an Australian “business leader” on TV last night. A Current Affair did a hatchet job on ABC Learning Centres, the 900lb gorilla of the Australian child care centre industry. According to the report, ABC is a bully in the playground and doesn’t look after the kiddies. The main charges were: 1. using market power to suppress competition and buy up or destroy small independents; 2. refusing to discuss with a parent why their child’s arm was broken at one of their centres; 3. refusing to take responsibility for the actions of their employees.
EDDIE ABC’s “CEO Global”, one Eddie Groves, fronted the camera as the spokesman, dressed as Dan Johnson from Miami Vice – black T shirt under a black coat, 80’s hairstyle (Eddie must be from Queensland’s Gold Coast where this look lives on), and a machine gun mouth that spruiked right throughout the segment. His shareholders and other board members must have been shaking in their slip-on shoes.
Eddie did not take a back step. Agreed ABC was “very competitive” when asked was it overly aggressive. Denied it had done anything wrong. And revealed he has a thin grasp on the responsibilities of a company when he said ABC was not responsible for the actions of its employees or what happens to one of the kiddies as a result of employee negligence. EDDIE'S BOARD. NOTE HIS BOOTS.
Eddie confirmed the viewer’s suspicion that ABC are guilty as charged. Eddie, what possessed you to wear the Miami Vice look?
We find a clue on ABC’s website. Eddie also owns a basketball team. The Brisbane Bullets. And only 2 of the people on his board are child care people. The rest are hardbitten businesspeople. And ABC Aquisitions - the division that takes over the little independents - is described as the 'engine of ABC". And - laast clue - Eddy wears cowboy boots.
Though I've never heard of him, he is described as being "renowned as one of Australia's business leaders". He is also described as having "industry acknowledged skills in acquisition strategy, centre location and design, business development, and corporate strategic planning." But not childcare itself.
Nice job, Eddie. You get the Stan Zemanec Award for Self Foot Shooting for this week.
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